


This May Be the Last Air That I Breathe

by WednesdaysDaughter



Series: Come Towards the Stars [4]
Category: Mass Effect Trilogy
Genre: Angst with a Happy Ending, Canonical Character Death, F/M, Gen, Grief/Mourning, POV Second Person, Pre-Relationship
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2017-08-05
Updated: 2017-08-05
Packaged: 2018-12-11 08:32:30
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: Major Character Death
Chapters: 1
Words: 1,766
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/11710701
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/WednesdaysDaughter/pseuds/WednesdaysDaughter
Summary: ‘Garrus, I don’t know how to – she’s dead. The Commander is dead.’The water’s ice cold by the time the messages stop playing and you should respond to them. Liara’s voice was drenched in tears and Kaiden could barely string two words together from his grief. Wrex wants to blow something up on Tuchanka in her memory and Tali just wants to hear your voice because she’s worried.They all are.





	This May Be the Last Air That I Breathe

**Author's Note:**

> Hello angst my old friend~
> 
> This came to me after listening to "Lost in the Moment" by NF and yeah holy crap Omega!Garrus feels out the wazoo. I'm such a sucker for 2nd person POV too and I've had quite the success with it so please bare with me.

Your world comes to an end on a Thursday.

 

The comm stays open; the sound of shallowed breaths with hiccups interspersed becomes a tether that keeps you grounded in the moment. Surely your heart as stopped because everything stands still and it’s not until someone touches your shoulder in concern that it kicks into overdrive and suddenly you feel _everything_.

“Garrus,” Joker sniffles, “are you there?”

You blink rapidly to dispel the tears you physically cannot cry and the lump in your throat nearly chokes you. The warmth on your shoulder intensifies and when you see that it’s Anderson something inside of you snaps and the sound echoes in your ears with Joker’s words.

“Garrus, come on pal talk to me.”

“I’m here,” your mouth shapes the words, but your voice has fled and Anderson speaks into your omni-tool.

According to a local nurse you’re suffering from shock: As if a five letter word can truly encompass what you’re feeling. Faces flash by and Anderson’s talking to your Captain and it’s too much. An ache so visceral it leaves you breathless fills your chest and you push past the people in the way and don’t remember falling asleep in your bed. There are fifteen unheard messages waiting for you so you play them and stand in the shower until you can imagine the relief that crying brings.

‘ _I owe you a drink when I get back Garrus_ ,’ she had said; dark skin glistening with sweat after they’d finished running a Spectre course.

‘ _Try not to kill any Reapers without me_ ,’ you joke – causing a smile to break across her face.

‘ _No promises_.’

The plan had been simple; she’d been the one to suggest it too.

The Normandy shone beneath the stars and Shepard turned before boarding. You’d seen her off with a question stewing in your mind, but she beats you to it.

‘ _Finish your training fast and I’ll come back for you_.’

You’d been speechless. How had she possibly known what you’d been debating for weeks to ask? It was rare for Spectres to work in pairs and you hadn’t dared to hope she’d be your mentor of sorts. Your shock shows and she rolls her eyes.

‘ _Come on Garrus: You and me? Two Spectres patrolling the darkest reaches of space? The Reapers don’t stand a chance_.’

Something you’d left unnamed swelled beneath your breast that day and grew into an untamed jungle with wildlife desperately clawing for freedom when the vines began to choke them with her death.

‘ _Garrus, I don’t know how to – she’s dead. The Commander is dead_.’

The water’s ice cold by the time the messages stop playing and you should respond to them. Liara’s voice was drenched in tears and Kaiden could barely string two words together from his grief. Wrex wants to blow something up on Tuchanka in her memory and Tali just wants to hear your voice because she’s worried.

They all are.

You try to compose a blanket response to ease their nagging, but nothing comes and you skip training to sleep until it hurts to see her face in your dreams.

Three days pass before Joker shows up at your door.

“There’s a memorial service in fifteen. Get dressed.”

The dark circles under his eyes stop your protest and you walk together and join the surviving crew of the Normandy to say goodbye. Their words wash over you like smoke in the darkest corners of the Citadel. When it’s your turn their eyes fall on you and time stops long enough for you to string together a thought.

“Dana Shepard was more than a hero: She was my friend.”

“I should have been there with her.”

You turn away from the group and walk away ignoring Tali’s hand that reaches out and Liara’s soft utterance of your name. Kaiden says something and they stop coming after you long enough for you to hide away in your room until day five dawns in your world without her.

Whispers along the pearly white paths haunt you like the ghost of her smile and when the Council officially strikes Shepard’s claims of Reapers from the books you don’t even put a bag together.

Rifle in hand you leave the Citadel without a second glance. The messages go unread and with Shepard’s passing the original crew of the Normandy part ways and pass into legend because suddenly Reapers are just a bedtime story and Dana Shepard was just a soldier.

You know better.

 

**~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~**

 

Your life comes to an end on a Tuesday.

 

Bullets fly over your head as you slide into cover just in time. Shouts of dying men fill the air with the tang of their blood that fill your senses until you know nothing but copper. You take a shot and duck down before you see the life leave the body of your latest kill.

You fucked up.

You can hear their voices in the back of your head where she once lived. Your team is as dead as Shepard and unlike the first time you could’ve saved them all if you’d been paying attention. Their deaths are on you and it looks like they’re going to collect.

Without thinking about it you reach out to your father and target practice is such a childish way of saying that you’re not coming home again. The second you had set foot on Omega you knew you’d die there. You thought you’d have more time.

Adrenaline is a hell of a thing and it keeps you upright until small team makes its way across the bridge. Your dad’s voice fades out when your eyes fall on her armor and you’re certain someone go past you and put a bullet in the back of your head because there’s only one person in the known galaxy who wore purple camo N7 armor and she’s dead.

Isn’t she?

You remember Joker’s call as vividly as if it were happening all over again and you feel the agony war with hope and you throw caution into the wind.

“My odds just got better.”

You end the call and load a concussive shot and hit her without hesitation because if it’s not her then she needs to pay for wearing that armor. She turns to look at you and you can see the violet of her eyes and Spirits she’s alive.

You nearly collapse in relief and blood loss.

She takes down the mercs trying to make it up the stairs and she’s there, suddenly, calling you a title you’ve never deserved. Her voice hasn’t changed a bit and when you see her face you will your body to push on because you can’t recall being this happy in your entire life.

“I thought you were dead.”

Her face lights up and her arms are ready to embrace you with each step she takes and it’s too much. You’re not safe yet and this is not the place for this reunion. She reads the tension in your body and slips back into ‘Commander’ mode while introducing you to Miranda Lawson and Jacob Taylor.

There isn’t time for pleasantries and soon the sound of gunshots fill the area once more as you send her down to seal some doors. She orders Taylor to stay with you and you shake your head; you’d been taking care of things just fine by yourself, but her eyes leave no room for argument. By the time the silence has settled and she’s walking towards you once more you let yourself believe – for just a second – that it’s all over.

You were a fool.

The pain is not the last thing you remember.

“Garrus!”

Her voice is.

The edges of your vision blur with blood and the graying concrete your body sprawls across after the impact. Flashes of purple when Shepard falls to her knees hurt your eyes, but you keep them open because if this is it – if this is how your story ends – you want her to be the last thing you see. She shouts at Miranda, turning away from you just long enough for you to close your eyes in pain.

“Stay with me dammit, stay with me.”

You’re choking on your blood and her eyes are wide with fear and the last thing you remember is reaching up to trace a stray tear rolling down her scared cheek and when the darkness takes you it is gentle unlike when you came into the world.

“Garrus!”

 

**~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~**

 

You are rebuilt on a Thursday.

 

Waking up is painful so you know you aren’t dead: Yet.

Dr. Chakwas is the first face you see and your relief must be clear as day beneath the bandages because her smile is soft and understanding.

“We almost lost you,” she admonishes and you promise not to do it again.

“See that you do.”

You get a crash course in cybernetics and it stings when you realize your clan mark has been blown away and would probably never be the same. While not particularly vain, you can’t help but mourn the face you saw once in the mirror before joining a ragtag group to stop a rogue Spectre. It seems like a lifetime ago.

“While I’d strongly advise you get some rest, I know you. I also know you’ll be pleased to hear that the Commander has been checking in on your progress nonstop since we brought you aboard. Be a dear and stop by to see her so she’ll leave me in peace.”

You can hear the smile in Dr. Chakwas voice and you thank her quickly before tracking Shepard to the Briefing Room.  

The second your eyes lock time stops and you’re the only two in the universe. You’re saying something charming, as always, without paying attention and she makes you laugh – which hurts, but you’d suffer this pain until the suns exploded because she’s here. She’s alive.

Awe settles on your ruined face and when you’re finally alone Shepard’s eyes blur with tears too stubborn to fall this time.

“I’m glad Archangel was you.”

You’d follow her anywhere and it must show in your eyes or maybe Cerberus gave her the ability to read minds because she smiles so bright at you it nearly tears your flesh when you try to smile back.

You want to say a million things and you know she’s going to want to know about Omega, but in this moment you get lost in her vibrant eyes and sigh softly when she reaches out to grasp your shoulder like she did before she died.

“Me too Shepard.”

**Author's Note:**

> So yeah, that happened....


End file.
